An Angry Analysis

A Reflection on the Psalm for September 20th, 2020:
Twenty-Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time

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Psalm 145

R. The Lord is near to all who call on him.

Every day I will bless you, and praise your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; his greatness is unsearchable. 

R. The Lord is near to all who call on him.

The Lord is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. The Lord is good to all, and his compassion is over all that he has made. 

R. The Lord is near to all who call on him.

The Lord is just in all his ways, and kind in all his doings. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. 

R. The Lord is near to all who call on him.

Pause. Pray.

And then read more...

There is a correlation between my habit of calling on the Lord, and my habit of being quick to anger. As the frequency of my calling on the Lord increases, the frequency of my expression of anger decreases. The inverse of this relationship also exists. I know this because I spend a great deal of time asking myself, ”Why?” Why did I behave that way? Why can’t I get past this behaviour? Why do I find myself repeatedly confessing the same offence? Why hasn’t God dealt with this?


I can intellectualize these issues by looking back to my youth and noting the circumstances that might have initiated this anger reflex. I can also look at the direct antecedent of the behaviour—what happened immediately before my annoying and oftentimes hurtful act. It could also be helpful to analyze the sustaining mechanism of the behaviour, that is, what is happening after I behave this way that compels me to continue to do it? This information may give me the “head knowledge” that will afford me a rational explanation for the behaviour, but the complexity of the human person consists in our composition of not only intellect, but also physicality and spirituality. If I want to address an issue that is harmful to myself or my relationships, I can only get so far by intellectualizing it. If I want to heal, I must look to the heart of the matter, and that means including my physical and spiritual symptoms in my analysis. Intellectualism isn’t bad, but it’s meant to serve the heart—to inform the heart of why it is experiencing what it is experiencing.


I’m going to go ahead and volunteer myself as a case study to explore this further. The last couple of weeks have been stressful for a number of reasons. I have experienced loss, relational strain, financial strain, occupational strain, the uncertainty of transition, new responsibilities, and time constraints. During this time I have found my general disposition to be—you guessed it—quick to anger. To address this issue, I could run through an analytical process as described above, or I could cut to the chase and ask myself, “How many times in the last couple of weeks did I call on the Lord?”


A simplified summary of my current (and recurrent) experience is this:


Head: I have well established patterns of acting out of anger when I am afraid.
Heart: This fear is rooted in the anticipation of the loss of a “good” and I can’t cope with the threat of this loss when I am not trusting in who God says He is.
Body: I must offer myself to Him in corporal and spiritual acts of mercy toward myself and others to maintain health. This includes prayer, service, and self-care.


If I, like David, would simply recite Psalm 145 each morning and believe it—really trust in it—my fears which underlie my anger would fade, allowing me to become more like Jesus.




Jesus is peace.




Gentle Father,
I believe You are merciful;
I believe You are loving;
I believe Your compassion is for all;
I believe You enact justice;
I believe You are kind,
And I believe You are near to me always.
Thank you, Jesus.
Amen




Lori MacDonald

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