Behind The Curtain

A Reflection on the Psalm for March 1st, 2020:
​First Sunday of Lent

Psalm 51

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you alone, have I sinned, and done what is evil in your sight.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.
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Pause. Pray.

And then read more...

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I don’t even know where to start. This one cuts so close to the bone. 


For I know my transgressions. 


But there was a point when I didn’t. And I’m not even talking about before I started walking with Him. Not the 15 year-old me who hadn’t heard Him yet, but the 50 year-old me who had long listened. And then I didn’t. I thought I was following, but I was faltering — dancing in a minefield of my own making, and thinking I was on firm footing. My God graciously lifted the curtain of my self-deception and let me see. Just a little. 


I am so thankful. Eternally thankful. Thankful for the lifting, thankful for the little. I know it was not condemnation, but Love that drew Him to let me see my sin. And Love that let me see only what I could barely bear to look at — not all of it at once, but just what He was calling me to bring to Him, to surrender to Him. And once I did, He looked at me with Love, and lifted the curtain a little higher. Another chance to behold the broken, and bring it out into the light — and into the Light. And so it goes, again and again.


Grace. It’s God revelling in the direction we’re pointed in, rather than the place where we currently find ourselves. He takes us into who we are meant to be, one step at a time, and counts us as righteous from the first. All because of Jesus. He will lead us from where we are, to where we need to be, casting a light on the next patch of ground to be traversed. With our hearts set on seeking Him at each step and after each stumble, we are counted as righteous from the very first footfall in His direction. Because we have turned, and are facing Him. And He gave Himself for us.


David gets it. It’s all because of our God. And His grace. 


The lion’s share of the verbs in David’s song belong to the Lion of Judah…


… Have mercy on me
… Wash me
… Blot out my transgressions
… Cleanse me
… Create in me
… Cast me not away 
… Restore to me
… Sustain in me
… Open my lips


God is the subject, we are the object. 


Our only action is to open our eyes when He shines a light on our dark patches and to ask for His hand through it all.


O Father! The gift of what Your grace leaves in our grasp…


… a steadfast heart
… clean hands
… a new and right spirit
… Your presence
… Your Holy Spirit
… the joy of salvation
… a willing spirit
… a mouth declaring Your praise


Thank You for it all, my Beautiful Lord. Especially for Yourself.  
And thank You for each lift of the curtain.
Amen.





Noreen Smith


PS: Here is a link to Create In Me, a choral piece composed by Peter Togni as gift to his wife Patricia. The way the word joy climbs up the chordal structure he made for it, is crazy. In a good way. But the part that pulls my heart is how the chordal climb seems to shift at the end into a harmonic question at the words and uphold me.

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Photo by Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

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