Don’t Be a Jerk!

A Reflection on the Gospel for Sunday, November 17th, 2023:
Twenty-Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time

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Matthew
18.21-35

Peter came and said to Jesus, “Lord, how often should I forgive my brother or sister if they sin against me? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy-seven times.

“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. When he began the reckoning, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him; and, as he could not pay, his lord ordered him to be sold, together with his wife and children and all his possessions, and payment to be made. So the slave fell on his knees before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you everything.’ The lord of that slave released him and forgave him the debt.

“But that same slave, as he went out, came upon one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and seizing him by the throat, he said, ‘Pay what you owe.’ Then his fellow slave fell down and pleaded with him, ‘Have patience with me, and I will pay you.’ But he refused; then he went and threw him into prison until he would pay the debt.

“When his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed, and they went and reported to their lord all that had taken place. Then his lord summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked slave! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. Should you not have had mercy on your fellow slave, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his lord handed him over to be tortured until he would pay his entire debt.

“So my heavenly Father will also do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

Pause. Pray. Reflect.

Jerk. That first slave was a jerk!  At least that’s the most polite word I can use in print.  How could he possibly be so mean to his fellow slave when he himself had just received mercy? Maybe he was still angry and ashamed that he let himself become so in debt that he took it out on the first poor unfortunate soul to cross his path. Or maybe the slave was so shocked by his lord’s actions that couldn’t think straight. Or was he simply just a jerk? 

What was this first slave missing? First of all, he lacked empathy. 

The first time I remember being taught about empathy was the very first session of my confirmation prep. The catechist handed each of us a duotang (yes, I’m that old!) and told us to write in large letters across the front cover: EMPATHY. She told us that empathy meant to put ourselves in another person’s shoes, to truly try to understand and be aware of what the other is feeling and/or going through. This simple action made a lasting impression on me. 

Yet, there have been times in my life where, like the first slave, I lacked the empathy to notice and understand the equally important person sitting in front of me. Recently, I spoke rather harshly to a colleague. An unexpected situation at work created temporary chaos. In the midst of that moment of crazy, without thinking and most certainly without empathy, I snapped at a colleague. When the situation settled, I realized I was unsettled. I heard the Holy Spirit gently whisper in my ear: “That wasn’t very nice, Aurea. What are you going to do about it?” I  immediately, with trepidation, went to my colleague and apologized for being short with her. Graciously, she accepted my apology and we continued with our day. But the incident bothered me all day. 

My empathy led me to apologize. So why was it still bugging me? Because being empathetic is not enough. I have to be aware of what others are feeling and thinking but I have to let that awareness change my perspective and my actions in that moment and in the future. Is that not what God wants for me: to be transformed by the experience of His entering “into my shoes”, my life, through His Son, so that in receiving Him I can witness even just a modicum of the immense mercy, compassion, and love He gives to me? I am truly changed by my initial and continual encounters with His Son. 

So Jesus is calling us, not just to empathy, but to a total transformation of heart that only He can bring about. I need to allow my heart to be constantly molded by my experiences with Him and my encounters with others. In doing so, I am better able to be empathetic to my brothers and sisters and hear more clearly when the Holy Spirit is telling me, kindly: Don’t be a jerk!




Aurea Sadi

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