Free at Last

A Reflection on the Psalm for December 26th, 2021:
The Feast of the Holy Family

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Psalm 84

R. Blessed are those who live in your house, O Lord.

How lovely is your dwelling place, O Lord of hosts! My soul longs, indeed it faints for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh sing for joy to the living God. 

R. Blessed are those who live in your house, O Lord.

Blessed are those who live in your house, ever singing your praise. Blessed are those whose strength is in you, in whose heart are the highways to Zion. 

R. Blessed are those who live in your house, O Lord.

O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer; give ear, O God of Jacob! Behold our shield, O God; look on the face of your anointed. 

R. Blessed are those who live in your house, O Lord.

For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than live in the tents of wickedness. 

R. Blessed are those who live in your house, O Lord.

For most of my life, I didn’t put much thought into the ideas of heaven and hell. However, when I did think of them, my mind more often than not went to the latter. There have been dark periods of my life when I was easily able to rationalize that if hell existed, and I was headed there on account of my bad conduct, then I really had nothing to fear because it could be no worse than what I was currently experiencing.


While I no longer hold that view and am in a much better place both mentally and spiritually, having lived through it, I am now owner to a particular train of thought that ends with the question, “But why do I want to live forever with God anyway?” This question is a challenge to the last sentence of this Sunday’s responsorial psalm, and it has compelled me to search for an answer.


For me, the answer has come in large part through the process of deepening my relationship with the Lord and self-love. The importance of learning to appreciate and value God’s love for all humanity, and for me in particular, through His sacrifice on the cross cannot be understated. There is absolutely no way that I can think about heaven without thinking about being with Him. Recognizing my own value, too, as a creation of God, made specifically to be in communion with Him and whose worth and lovableness cannot be diminished, has also been vitally important in finding an answer. But these two elements haven’t been enough.


What lay hidden to me for a long time and what I’m now coming to understand is the real impact of pain itself. There is nothing noble or beautiful about being in pain. Pain is bondage, as powerful as any vice, and it works to obscure a person’s true identity. Like the young elephant that was raised in chains and grew up to be oblivious to its own freedom and strength, people suffer pain long after the cause of it is gone.


However, understanding the power of pain and letting go of it are two entirely different things. Having lived with it for so long, I almost feel as if it’s impossible to separate myself from it because it has informed so much of who I believed I was and what I believed to be true.


Thankfully, as a Christian, I have hope, and for good reason. This seemingly impossible feat will be accomplished, and not through my own effort. It is Christ who heals and who will guide and sustain me. I need only believe, trust, and follow Him.


So, as I stand on what feels like the precipice of a new chapter of my life, I find myself confronted by another question, one with a much simpler answer yet no less laden with significance, meaning, and promise.


“Do you want to be healed?”



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Laura Dysart
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