God Who

A Reflection on the Second Reading for November 24th, 2019:
The Solemnity of Our Lord Jesus Christ, King of the Universe

Colossians 1.12-20

Brothers and sisters: Give thanks to the Father, who has enabled you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the light. The Father has rescued us from the power of darkness and transferred us into the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.

Christ is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation; for in him all things in heaven and on earth were created, things visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or powers — all things have been created through him and for him. Christ is before all things, and in him all things hold together.

He is the head of the body, the Church; he is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that he might come to have first place in everything. For in Christ all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him God was pleased to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, by making peace through the blood of his Cross.

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I don't remember my first introduction to God. He was just always there. I grew up going to church, believing in Him. As a child I knew He was kind and loving, but He was distant. It wasn't until I was a teen that I came to understand what it meant to have a personal relationship with Jesus and what it meant to follow Him. In any case, God's been a constant in my life. But to be completely honest, doubt and uncertainty have also been constants in my life. I've never been too scared of doubt. As faith is belief in something that is inherently difficult to measure or prove it seems to me that we are not really talking about faith if doubt isn't an option. And so for most of my life I was very comfortable with, or at least very familiar with, holding faith in tension with doubt. A couple of years ago I remember thinking something along the lines of "I can't imagine my life without a belief in God,” and then very shortly afterwards it felt like the ground shifted underneath me. Suddenly I could very easily see my life without a belief in God. And it was scary. Nothing catastrophically bad happened to prompt this shift. It just happened.


I have always been someone that feels a lot of feelings. I am what therapists call a highly sensitive person and so I think I have often been affected by the pain I've experienced and the pain I've witnessed. But I don't think this is particularly unique — to love people is to see pain, to live in the world is to experience and witness pain. A reasonable person might ask themselves, "How can I believe in a good and loving God when all of this is happening?" The truth is sometimes I can't and sometimes I don't. Doubts and questions seem to be a sensible reaction to the pain in my life and the pain in the world around me. And they were all that I could see when I could suddenly imagine what my life could look like without a belief in God.  

"At the end of my questions, at the end of my faith, at the end of myself, the only thing I was left with was the person of Jesus Christ."

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At the end of my questions, at the end of my faith, at the end of myself, the only thing I was left with was the person of Jesus Christ. He is "image of the invisible God" (Col 1:15). And the image He gives us of God is just so appealing. As the author Rachel Held Evans said, "No matter what we believe there is always the chance that we might be wrong. But the story of Jesus is just the story I'm willing to risk being wrong about. It's so compelling." I agree completely.
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I'm grateful that God is patient, kind, and big enough for my questions. And so I continue to wrestle with the doubts. Because the invisible God made visible in the person of Jesus is just so beautiful. Whenever we want to know something about God's character we simply have to look at the way Jesus manifests that character. The character He reveals in Jesus is absolutely compelling. A God who takes on human form and human problems and enters into our mess. A God who loves first, unconditionally. A God who knows us personally and calls us by name. A God who forgives sin, heals bodies, heals hearts, and restores faith. A God who responds to the prayer "I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24) with compassion.  


Lord, help my unbelief.


Morgan MacKenzie

chris liu

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