His Steadfast Love

A Reflection on the Psalm for March 21st, 2021:
Fifth Sunday of Lent

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​Psalm 51

R. Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin. 

R. Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, and do not take your holy spirit from me. 

R. Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and sustain in me a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. 

R. Create in me a clean heart, O God.

Pause. Pray.

And then read more...

Last year, I started practicing guided meditation, which included moments of imaginative contemplation where the listener is ‘transported’ into a biblical scene. In one episode, I found myself in the upper room at the Last Supper during the washing of the feet. Following along, I imagined Jesus washing each of the disciples’ feet until I was told to imagine Him washing mine! My reaction to that prospect was very much along the lines of St Peter. To put it mildly, it was an uncomfortable two minutes.

Reflecting on this Sunday’s psalm, I find myself back in the upper room, and now, the words of the psalmist seem the only appropriate response to what is happening to me. Needless to say, a lot has changed and I think the best way to describe it is to say that over this past year, I learned to come to terms with the Lord’s steadfast love.

How that manifested for me was as the unchaining of a logic that went something like: If I do this, then He’ll respond in that way. Or, in even simpler terms: if I’m kind to this person, then God will be pleased with me.

On the surface, it seemed innocuous, and yet, so long as I believed it, I believed that I could control God. As though my actions could force Him to feel, believe, or act the way I wanted Him to, undermining His will, which is the free gift of His love and mercy.

Accepting my utter powerlessness to inform His will — that I ultimately had no sway unless He chose to allow Himself to be swayed by me — made me aware of the many ways I have lived my life trying to control the people around me. Under the same faulty logic, I was in the habit of modifying myself with the aim of controlling how others responded to me.

Living in His steadfast love has me learning to exist in a state of constant vulnerability as I accept that I can’t force anybody to choose to love and accept me. But in so doing, I have also found deep wells of gratitude and love, as I come to fully appreciate what His “yes” to me really means, and a lightness and freedom, as I release myself of the blame when others choose to say, “no.”

The journey since then has been one of self-discovery as I’m forced to find new reasons to be in the world. A journey marked by a singular truth: that love is a choice, and the only person’s choice I have any control over is my own.

As a follower of Christ, I am called to love everyone as He’s loved me. This means learning to love in such a way that nothing that the other person could do, or has done, could influence my decision to love them.




Laura Dysart

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