Hold Fast to Him

A Reflection on the Second Reading for Sunday, October 23rd, 2022:
Thirtieth Sunday in Ordinary Time

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2 Timothy
4.6-8, 16-18

Beloved: I am already being poured out as a libation, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

From now on there is reserved for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will give me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

At my first defence no one came to my support, but all deserted me. May it not be counted against them!

But the Lord stood by me and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.

The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and save me for his heavenly kingdom. To him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.

We don’t have to be physically imprisoned as Paul was to experience the desolation he lived. When we are being poured out as libations, emptied of ourselves in order to serve God and others, we can sometimes feel like we’re in a cold, dark cell.

Life can organically separate us into cells, or we can unilaterally choose to enter into this state. Even choosing the road I believe the Lord has set out for me can leave me feeling abandoned. 

As a single parent, I regularly experience a sense of absence: this feeling that I, or my family, is incomplete somehow. I understand that this is far from the truth. But no matter how often I renounce this lie, the loneliness remains. 

I sometimes try to fill this space with activity, or with friends to occupy the fourth seat at our table. I can see now that these are good but temporary fixes. There is a deeper, darker root to the spirit of loneliness that permeates me, and that is where I should look for solutions. 

When I peer deep down into it, the root of this spirit is likely the belief that I am easily forgotten, disposable. This is the way of our world, isn’t it – the throw away culture we live in? There have been relationships in my life that have led me toward this destructive pattern of thinking – I didn’t always choose this path alone. 

Thankfully, though, there is a relationship I can nurture that will reroute these paths into a deep, fortified run – a channel of Truth. Paul held fast to this Relationship, and as I sit by the fire tonight, so do I:

The fire 

Snaps
Cricks
Floats 

over the logs.

Crickets rhythmically tune the breeze. 

Gentle
Soft
Warm

My attention shifts between the flames in front of me and the flames in the sky.

A wee dram in my hand,
Memories are rekindled.

Life is good
And hard.

It burns, so I can’t hold it.
Moves, and I can’t catch it.
Whispers too softly for me to hear it.

The flames disappear 
And appear again.

As the cricket song sweeps over the embers:

Where is God?

The sirens split this question in two:

Where?

Is God?

The smoke picks up pace, eager to respond.

Here. Do you see Him?

The whisky burns.
The log burns.
The stars burn.

The fire goes out.

Peace.



Lori MacDonald

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