How Much?

A Reflection on the Gospel for June 23rd, 2019:
The Solemnity of The Most Holy Body and Blood of Christ

Luke 9.11-17

Jesus spoke to the crowds about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed to be cured.

The day was drawing to a close, and the twelve came to him and said, “Send the crowd away, so that they may go into the surrounding villages and countryside, to lodge and get provisions; for we are here in a deserted place.”

But Jesus said to them, “You give them something to eat.” They said, “We have no more than five loaves and two fish — unless we are to go and buy food for all these people.” For there were about five thousand men.

And Jesus said to his disciples, “Make the people sit down in groups of about fifty each.” They did so and made them all sit down.

And taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven, and blessed and broke them, and gave them to the disciples to set before the crowd.

And all ate and were filled. What was left over was gathered up, twelve baskets of broken pieces.

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These days I find myself asking God, “What do you want from me?” I feel myself pulled in dozens of directions, and lately the struggle has been to discern what He is asking of me. The answer I usually receive is, “Everything”.

My discouraged response is sometimes, “I barely have anything — is the little I have even worth giving?” What could my loaves and fish possibly be worth to Him?

Our pastor expressed a similar sentiment in his homily a few Sundays ago, on giving and tithing. “What more do I have to give?” Sometimes I believe that I’m already giving a lot, and I face my own feelings of frustration when I realize that He is asking for more of me.

It is uncomfortable, to conform to God’s will. He asks me to trust Him, and then when I verbally agree He challenges me to live it out. To hand over my small portion to be divided.

And He challenges me to trust that He will multiply my time, my talent, my treasure, my sleep, my prayer. Everything I give to Him, He increases. Everything I give to Him, He gave me first.

"Everything I give to Him, He gave me first."

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It is funny how I can get so possessive over what was never mine to begin with. Even I am not my own — but I forget that I belong to Christ.

When I finally surrender, and acknowledge the truth that I belong to Him, I hand it all over. Everything. And in wonder and awe, I watch as my cooperation with Him helps supply for the needs of others. Together, we feed others — He chooses to involve me in this action. I become Eucharist, with Him.

Lord, give us this day our daily bread. And help me to be generous with Your gift, and offer it back to You to be multiplied. ​

Kendra Chisholm

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