I Didn't Ask For That

A Reflection on the First Reading for March 10th, 2019:
First Sunday of Lent

​Deuteronomy 26.4-10 

Moses spoke to the people, saying: “When the priest takes the basket from your hand and sets it down before the altar of the Lord your God, you shall make this response before the Lord your God:

“‘A wandering Aramean was my father; he went down into Egypt and lived there as an alien, few in number, and there he became a great nation, mighty and populous. When the Egyptians treated us harshly and afflicted us, by imposing hard labour on us, we cried to the Lord, the God of our fathers; the Lord heard our voice and saw our affliction, our toil, and our oppression. The Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm, with a terrifying display of power, and with signs and wonders; and he brought us into this place and gave us this land, a land flowing with milk and honey. So now I bring the first of the fruit of the ground that you, O Lord, have given me.’”

And Moses continued, “You shall set it down before the Lord your God and bow down before the Lord your God.”

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​God knows and loves us. There is no grievance too small or too big that the Lord does not want to hear about and help us with. When we ask God for things and lift our problems up in prayer, He will always answer that prayer. God has a perfect path for us that He longs for us to follow so we may be joyful in all things and have a sense of peace in our lives. But God does not force His will for us on our lives. We have to ask Him to be there with us and to help us through our trials. Like in the reading, their affliction, toil, and oppression was turned into milk and honey when they gave up their tribulations to God.

"God has a perfect path for us that He longs for us to follow so we may be joyful in all things and have a sense of peace in our lives."

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It is true that God always answers our prayers and requests. However, sometimes it is not the answer we had hoped for. Looking back on times like this in my life, I am actually surprisingly thankful that God has not answered all of my prayers in the ways I had hoped He would. And it goes to show that I really do not always know what is best for my own life. I try my best to trust in God to guide me and do His will in my life. However, this is something that I really struggle with sometimes.

Growing up, and even now, I have struggled with anxiety and depression. The depression would drain me of my motivation to get out of bed, enjoy time with my friends, and keep practicing my hobbies. Yet, the anxious, perfectionist side of me despised how lazy that made me seem and how unproductive I was being. It was as if I was in a constant battle with myself. Nothing I did was ever good enough for my own standards. I never had pressure put on me by my family or friends to be someone or something in particular, but that pressure was always there and it caused me to feel like a failure. Worse—I was desperately terrified of failing. I would pray and pray that this feeling would leave me and that I wouldn’t feel the pain anymore. God definitely helped me to cope with my anxious feelings and praying to Him gave me a sense of peace. I gained joy from praying to God and seeking His help. I have never been fully healed from my anxiety, but this is something that I can oddly say I am thankful for. It has given me a certain perspective I can use to try to help others. It has also given me opportunities to strive to trust God more and to give up my fears to Him, which I have found to be really freeing. This struggle of mine has deepened my relationship with God and I can now see the purpose in it.
 
I pray that I can learn to fully trust in God through all things, even though I know I cannot fully understand His ways in this lifetime. I pray for His guidance and the courage to ask God for help, and to allow for Him to help me. 

​Megan Noye

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