My Last Penny

A Reflection on the Gospel for November 7th, 2021:
Thirty-Second Sunday in Ordinary Time

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Mark
12.41-44 (shorter)
(For the longer version, see the print edition of Living with Christ.)

Jesus sat down opposite the treasury, and watched the crowd putting money into the treasury. Many rich people put in large sums. A poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which are worth a penny. Then he called his disciples and said to them, “Truly I tell you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the treasury. For all of them have contributed out of their abundance; but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.”
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Last year, my word for the year was “give”. At first, I thought it would be a relatively simple word to journey with, but it wasn’t long before I was faced with a question:

Why can’t I give more?

Why can’t I give the way Love says I should give? The way this dear poor widow in this Gospel account gives her last penny? She has even lost her husband, yet she still gives everything she has. It is a giving with complete abandon; with a reckless lack of self-regard and the corresponding trust that God — from Whom everything comes and to Whom everything returns — will provide.

This simple word, “give”, has taught me a lot about myself. In fact, I would say that bringing this word into my awareness has significantly helped me to better understand my heart and to begin to bring about healing. Some of the many reasons why I don’t always give generously are simply inattention or selfish moments, but I have discovered some that are well-travelled, often unconscious pathways of fear that have been created by deep and painful wounds. 

Ultimately, though, I believe that the root of any lack of generosity in my heart is directly correlated to a lack of trust in God’s provision for my well-being. It is in this place where I encounter my spiritual poverty. Some days, I take tiny, baby steps toward generosity, and on others, giant leaps. The deep wounds and pathways of my fear must be healed with the intentional and disciplined cultivation of a deep understanding of the unfailing, ever-presence of a good, good God. It is a complicated and difficult process, this growing in trust. 

But God meets me here, and provides His mercy, especially when I can’t find mercy for myself. Just like He provides everything else. 

I pray that one day soon, out of the depths of my own poverty, I will be placing my last penny in His treasury, for His great glory.




​Lindsay Elford
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