Shell Game

A Reflection on the Psalm for Sunday, February 26th, 2023:
The First Sunday of Lent

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Psalm 51 

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
According to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
Against you, you alone, have I sinned,
and done what is evil in your sight.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and put a new and right spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from your presence,
and do not take your holy spirit from me.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and sustain in me a willing spirit.
O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

R. Have mercy, O Lord, for we have sinned.
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I can play quite a shell game with myself. This desire to protect my ego from my own failure runs deep. Wait. That isn’t quite right; that’s another shade of the shell game. These aren’t failures I’m hiding; they are sins. It’s not the good I’ve tried to grow and failed to make thrive that’s the pea under the walnut shifting from my inner eye in a blur of movement. It’s the good that I hadn’t the courage to start, where I’ve chosen my own self-preservation, or even comfort, over loving my neighbour. Love costs, and I wasn’t willing to pay the price. Sin. It’s the evil I hadn’t the trust to stop, where I’ve chosen to provide a way to meet my needs that wasn’t mine to take, rather than rely on God alone. The fruit reveals the tree, and my actions spoke for themselves. Sin. This is the pea knocking inside the walnut that I want to lose sight of. 

Lent. It’s time to slow the shells down. Lift up the walnut. Show Him the dry and desiccated pea. Time to learn I don’t need the pea or the shell that hid it. Leave them behind and feast with Him. The beauty of the fast of Lent isn’t in the self-denial, it’s in the invitation to feast on His presence. Stillness is chosen and sin is surrendered to create space to soak up His Holy Spirit.

And the bounty at the banquet before me! 
    Creation
    Clean heart
    Newness
    Right spirit
    Restoration
    Joy
    Salvation
    Willingness    
    Openness
    Praises lifted
    His presence

I’ve been sitting on the floor under the table, skittering my walnut shells in the dust. I’m tired of wasting energy hiding my sin from myself. My spirit is getting a charley horse from holding the cramped position my rationalizations have placed me in. From down here I can’t see the feast, just the gum under the table. And here He comes – Jesus kneeling down, moving the chairs that block my exit, pushing aside the hanging table cloth and peeking in. He holds out His hand for mine and says, “Are you coming?”

Mercy Himself, extending mercy in a hand marked by love.

Miserere mei, Deus,
Secundum magnam misericordiam tuam,
Et secundum multitudinem miserationum tuarum,
Dele iniquitatem meam.

Have mercy on me, God,
According to Your great mercy,
According to the multitude of Your mercies,
Take away my sins.

 Miserere Mei – Antonio Lotti




Noreen Smith
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