Speaking in Silence

A Reflection on the First Reading for April 2, 2023:
Passion (Palm) Sunday

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Isaiah
50. 4-7 

The servant of the Lord said: “The Lord God has given me the tongue of a teacher, that I may know how to sustain the weary with a word. Morning by morning he wakens — wakens my ear to listen as those who are taught.

“The Lord God has opened my ear, and I was not rebellious, I did not turn backward.

“I gave my back to those who struck me, and my cheeks to those who pulled out the beard; I did not hide my face from insult and spitting.

“The Lord God helps me; therefore I have not been disgraced; therefore I have set my face like flint, and I know that I shall not be put to shame.”

I had always considered myself a generally quiet person, but in experiencing my first silent retreat I realized how noisy I can be. Not so much outwardly, but somehow I sustain a nearly constant interior monologue where I analyze, criticize, theorize and perseverate. With my external speech limited for nine days on this particular spiritual retreat, I was quickly humbled by the challenge of learning to simply “be” in silence. 

As poor as I was at the task at first, with God’s grace and with practice I gradually improved at limiting distractions and really listening. God increased my desire to hear His voice, and He drew me towards places that helped calm my mind, helped increase my focus, and made me aware of His presence. During the windows of time that were dedicated to prayer, I had the freedom to roam the grounds of the retreat centre. I walked slowly through snow-covered cherry orchards in the bright morning and paused to listen to birdsong. I watched pine needles rustling in the wind and took in the crunch of the ice beneath my boots. I noticed the sound and the misty cloud of my breath that formed in the cold evening air, and how it frosted my hair with ice crystals. Instead of intrusive or distracting thoughts invading my mind, I felt increasingly present to each “now”  as I perceived His beauty in and through His creation. Over the week, the Holy Spirit also spoke of His love through scripture, daily mass, journaling, and through people in the rare moments where we had time to share our experiences in small groups. My confidence in prayer and trust in Jesus grew massively by the daily habit of seeking Him in silence and expecting Him to speak. The structure and the community I found on retreat helped turn my resistance into surrender to facilitate my healing and growth.

As is typical after retreats, it was hard to maintain this connection and to keep an open ear once I returned to daily life. Each morning most of us are inundated with innumerable distractions vying for our attention. I easily forget the consolation of past prayer times when I’m in dry desert periods and I get caught in loneliness, restlessness, or discouragement. Despite the daily struggles to listen, I know I can always ask for His help; His merciful heart is drawn to weariness, and His desire is to become our daily sustenance. What is even more beautiful is that when He meets us and draws us away from distraction and to Himself, He will also gift us words to speak His life and love into others and to fulfill His mission. 

As we continue our Lenten journey, let us ask God to speak in silence and be our Daily Bread – the One who sustains us at all times.




Kendra L

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