Step by Step

A Reflection on the First Reading for July 26th, 2020:
Seventeenth Sunday in Ordinary Time

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1 Kings
3.5-12

At Gibeon the Lord appeared to Solomon in a dream by night; and God said, “Ask what I should give you.” And Solomon said, “You have shown great and steadfast love to your servant my father David, because he walked before you in faithfulness, in righteousness, and in uprightness of heart toward you; and you have kept for him this great and steadfast love, and have given him a son to sit on his throne today.

“And now, O Lord my God, you have made your servant king in place of my father David, although I am only a little child; I do not know how to go out or come in. And your servant is in the midst of the people whom you have chosen, a great people, so numerous they cannot be numbered or counted. Give your servant therefore an understanding mind to govern your people, able to discern between good and evil; for who can govern this, your great people?”

It pleased the Lord that Solomon had asked this. God said to him, “Because you have asked this, and have not asked for yourself long life or riches, or for the life of your enemies, but have asked for yourself understanding to discern what is right, I now do according to your word. Indeed I give you a wise and discerning mind; no one like you has been before you and no one like you shall arise after you.”
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Pause. Pray.

And then read more...

What a beautiful reminder this reading gives us — that the Lord will give us exactly what He needs us to have if we just ask. When I reflect on my own spiritual journey in this context, I realize that I have too often asked for what I want, and not always what I need.


I recall my bedtime prayer ritual as a child and young adult. At the end of the Lord’s prayer I would mechanically list my petitions. I would pray individually for each family member, naming them, in case God forgot who they were. I would pray for success in exams, job interviews, relationships. I would pray for circumstances and people to change. I had the same list every night for years, worried that if I forgot to speak it very specifically and out loud to God, He would not know what to do. Praying for what I wanted demonstrated a lack of faith and trust in the Lord.


As a married woman trying to adapt to being a stepmother and wife, my prayers changed. In the early years, I would still offer those specific prayers that told God how to do things:

Lord, please make this child behave better.

Father, please make my husband see that he needs to (insert instruction here).

God, please send us a windfall so we can pay that bill.


I realized that my very specific instructions to Him were not working, so in MY wisdom I
thought I better change up my game plan; try some different wording in those prayers. Slowly they began to sound more like:

Lord, make me a better mother and wife.

God, reveal to me how I can deal with this financial situation.


And then came the day when, after still not getting the solutions I was proposing to God, I heard myself saying to Him:

Lord, mould me into the wife and mother You need my husband and children to have.

Show me how to love the way You love.


I had asked Him for wisdom. I believe the Lord, who is ever-so-patient with me, was pleased with this request. Over the years since then, I have been blessed with the gift of discernment when it comes to my marriage and children. I don’t always choose to act on the wisdom the Lord provides me, but when I do, miracles occur. I have been able to love my family the way He loves, allowing them the dignity of their own choices, solid in the knowledge that if He has a plan for me, He also has one for them. I am called to walk in faithfulness, trusting that He is guiding my every step and the steps of those I love. God, in His wisdom, has entrusted the gift of holy detachment to me, and for that I am ever grateful.


Today my prayers are entirely different — thanking and praising Him, asking Him for continued guidance for understanding and grateful acceptance of His will. Thanks be to God!




Sandy Graves

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