Surrender to The Mystery

A Reflection on the First Reading for February 7th, 2021:
Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time

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Job
7.1-4, 6-7

Job spoke to his friends: “Does not the human being have a hard service on earth, and are not their days like the days of a labourer? Like a slave who longs for the shadow, and like a labourer who looks for their wages, so I am allotted months of emptiness, and nights of misery are apportioned to me.

“When I lie down I say, ‘When shall I rise?’ But the night is long, and I am full of tossing until dawn.

“My days are swifter than a weaver’s shuttle, and come to their end without hope. Remember that my life is a breath; my eye will never again see good.”
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Pause. Pray.

And then read more...

My strategy for dealing with deep suffering has been to hold on for dear life to my own ability to endure it. In that sense, I have tried to ignore it — almost refused to allow myself to admit that I am suffering — because then I would have to confront the big questions. “Why, Lord? Why is this happening? If You really loved me, wouldn’t You save me from suffering?” I love Job, because he is so honest in his suffering — his descriptions of his agony have brought me tears of recognition. 

“And now my soul is poured out within me; days of affliction have taken hold of me. The night racks my bones, and the pain that gnaws me takes no rest.” (Job 30:16-17)

The temptation to despair is so real. There have been places in my own suffering where I couldn’t see the exit sign, and healing has seemed unlikely, if not impossible. Sometimes, healing is actually not probable for us. So what do we do?

When I’ve been in that room where I can’t see the way out, the way that God has shown His presence to me is the same way He speaks to Job — with a steadfastness and a sovereignty and a compassion that transcends my earthly experience. There is more to this life than I know. Things are interconnected in a way I can’t comprehend. It may be difficult for us to see the good in the terrible, but the truth is that God is always there. “[A]s it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be... “ (Gloria Patri; English version) His power is so much greater than mine. There is a strange comfort in surrendering my desire to understand, and to rest in the knowledge that the awful things are not what God desires for me. This helps me to keep moving toward Him, and toward the good that is still available to me even as I suffer. 

“Where can I go from your spirit? Or where can I flee from your presence?” Psalm 139:7

Cultivating things that matter. Receiving help. Giving help. Crying out to Him in my pain. Listening for His voice. Seeing myself with compassion, and resting in His love. Finding joy in beauty. Trusting Him with everything I really need. Surrendering to the mystery and finding hope there.

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 5:3

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Lindsay Elford
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