Whose Will?

A Reflection on the Psalm for Sunday, January 15th, 2023:
​The Second Sunday in Ordinary Time

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Psalm 40

R. Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will. 

I waited patiently for the Lord; he inclined to me and heard my cry.
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

R. Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will.

Sacrifice and offering you do not desire, but you have given me an open ear.
Burnt offering and sin offering you have not required.

R. Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will.

Then I said, “Here I am; in the scroll of the book it is written of me.
I delight to do your will, O my God; your law is within my heart.”

R. Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will.

I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation;
see, I have not restrained my lips, as you know, O Lord.

R. Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will.

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What is your will for me, Lord? 

I ask this question of our God at least once a week. If the week is particularly challenging, the question comes at least once a day. Recently, I re-read some of my prayer journal entries and noted this most pressing question as a constant theme. One might think that after 25+ years of asking I might have an answer already. 

Journalling is my way of wondering in writing, asking my question of God about what He thinks of me. Funnily enough, though, when I ask God questions, I only ever seem to hear my voice reply. Is it louder than God’s? Often. Is it more immediate? Most definitely. Is it right? Questionable. But if I have said my yes to the Lord, I am saying yes to doing His will. And I can only do that if I know what His will is. Which means I should probably stop answering my own questions. That’s so hard, though!! 

I was brought up to be independent. I was taught to do things for myself so that I didn’t have to rely on others. However, God is not some other “person” in my life. He gave me this life and wants to live it with me – with all my questioning. I don’t have to have all the answers – no matter how much I might think I do. In answering all my own questions, I am leaving no space for God.  

My journals are literally books where I have written about my relationship with God. But not until this psalm did I consider that God has written about me too. That God thinks me worthy to be written of is a little mind boggling. I’m just an ordinary girl trying to do ordinary things. Yet God has written my full story – ordinary and extraordinary. He knows me better than I know myself. He did, after all, create me. And God knows the plans He has for me. And they are good plans! (Jeremiah 29.11) Still, I continue to make plans for myself. Truly letting God’s will be done in me means putting aside control. But then what if things don’t turn out the way I want them to? 

The better question is: What happens if things turn out as God wants them to? I have written before of my planner tendencies. Planning allows me to anticipate an action or need before it happens so I can make sure to respond appropriately. Well, God is the ultimate planner, and God doesn’t just anticipate things – God knows what will happen for each of us. God knows how and where our stories connect so that we can continue to share and create God’s story. I do not know the full story or all the answers, but I know God’s goodness in my life and in the lives of others. So I trust and pray to respond as the psalmist: Here am I, Lord; I come to do your will.  




Aurea Sadi

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